class of '97

I can't believe it's been ten years.

It's funny how things can end up being so different than you think they're going to be. Ten years ago, I was graduating from high school. I was getting ready to go to college and the world was my oyster. I felt like my life was finally starting. I was independent in a way I'd never been before. Though I still depended on my parents for tuition, guidance, and a place to live during holidays, I felt like I was finally able to make my own decisions, which is a big step in a person's life. I envisioned myself graduating from college and taking the world by storm. I was going to make movies, write books, have a family, make a lot of money and live in a big house in California. A house with a pool! Ten years sounded like such a long time - plenty of time to accomplish my goals. I figured that by the time my ten-year high school reunion came around, I'd be exactly where I wanted to be. I'd be able to walk into the room, completely satisfied with the life I was living, and the person I'd become. Not to mention, I'd be thin, stylish, and beautiful, with great hair.

This is the way an 18-year-old thinks about the future. Of course it was all about me. I was invincible. But instead of accomplishing all my goals by the age of 28, what actually happened over those ten years was ... I grew up.

I went through what I imagine every person goes through at that time in their life. Unless, of course, they're lucky enough to have a humongous trust fund, or move in the same circles as the people with power. But even Paris Hilton gets a dose of reality from time to time. :) My reality was that there were extenuating circumstances that were going to prevent me from reaching my goals, no matter how hard I tried to pretend they didn't exist. Contrary to what I believed, I was NOT, in fact, invincible. And I needed a steady paycheck. So instead of becoming the high roller I always thought I'd be, I became ... well ... myself. I have a modest job in the suburbs, with a modest paycheck, and I live in a small, one-bedroom apartment on the North side of Chicago. I'm not married, and I have no kids, but I've always got a friend when I need one.

Making the realization that I was not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life was bittersweet. I could acknowledge the fact that my goals were unrealistic, but I still felt a little sad that I hadn't met them. Everyone likes to feel that they could be the exception to the rule. I felt like an exceptional teenager, so I was completely confident that I'd be an exceptional adult. Instead, I've turned out to be closer to average. At least by all outward appearances. But let me make this point very clear - there is nothing wrong with being average if you're happy where you are. And though I still feel like I am exceptional and have some great things in store for me in this life, I am, for the most part, happy with the way things are right now.

As you may have guessed, the source of these reflections was the announcement of my upcoming high school reunion. I am actually really excited about it, despite the fact that I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be. But I am a little disappointed, too. When I was a senior in high school, my friends and I would speculate about what our reunion would be like - who would be married with kids, who would be rich and successful, who would still be living at home and working in the fast food industry. It was fun for us to try and guess how people would turn out. I assumed, in a very life-imitating-the-movies kind of way, that when the reunion finally did roll around, all my friends and I would gather together once more to see how close our predictions were, to reconnect with people we'd lost touch with, and to bring our high school experience full circle. I saw the reunion as a kind of epilogue to my teenage years. But it is slowly dawning on me that I may have been the only one who felt this way. I don't know how many conversations I have had with old classmates recently that included the phrase "Hell, no!" in reference to the class reunion. And this makes me sad. Many have previous commitments, such as weddings, etc., which is completely understandable, but I am shocked by the number of people who just plain don't want to go. Sure, those years are always awkward, they're maybe not the most fun, and I certainly wouldn't want to go back and relive any of them, but what's the harm in looking back and remembering? Plus, those years are cake compared to what comes after. The "real world" is so much more harsh than the sheltered life of a high school kid. But, as always, maybe that's just my own experience talking. I enjoyed high school - I had nothing to complain about other than "stupid boys" - and I think it would be fun to take a look back and see how much we have all grown since then. Not to sound cheesy or anything, but I like to remember the good times I had in high school, and forget about the bad.

It was sad to realize that not everyone feels the way I do about this upcoming reunion. It was even sadder when the thought occurred to me that the reunion planners were perhaps not trying very hard to find people. I was amazed by how many people hadn't heard about it until I told them. So I am once again making the discovery that the world is not as rosy as I had at one time thought it was. My reunion will not be attended by all of the people who I'd like to reconnect with, simply because I want them to be there. It may not even be attended by a single one of my friends - even the ones I still see on a regular basis. Much like my life over the past 10 years, it is just not going to be how I thought it would be. It couldn't possibly live up to my over-high expectations anyway.

However, that doesn't mean I won't go. And that doesn't mean I won't enjoy myself immensely. I've got to keep the faith that it will still be an event worth attending. I mean, it only happens once. And Hell, I wouldn't miss it for the world.