tea and strumpets

It's funny how some people in your life can cause you so much pain and sleepless nights, while others can completely make your day with the simplest of things, like a ridiculous joke quoted from a movie (see title). I feel like, the more time that goes by, the more aware I become of the effects people in my life have on me. I am slowly becoming better equipped to recognize people who are negative influences, and more importantly, people who I should be sure to keep around.

I love my friends. And chances are, if you're reading this, I count you among them. Unless of course, you just stumbled in here by accident, in which case I say "Welcome! Have a look around. Would you like some lemonade?" The thing about my friends is that they are all very different. I consider myself lucky that I never belonged to any sort of "clique," which has enabled me to make friends with (and stay friends with) all different sorts of people. And those friends who I've held onto are still in my life because they have made a difference in it. A positive difference.

However, in the course of my dealings with friends, I've occasionally come across ... well ... a rotten banana (I don't know why I chose that description - I just felt like calling someone a rotten banana.). I would consider a rotten banana to be someone who I thought was a friend, but turned out to be otherwise. Rotten bananas can come in many varieties, but I think that the worst kind is the one who seems to be, or pretends to be your friend, but in actuality has no respect for you or your feelings. I've written about these kinds of people before (see this post), and my feelings about them have not changed. There is really nothing you can do about these people other than to do what you can to remove them from your sphere of influence. Even if you try to make them aware of how they've hurt you, you're never going to be able to change how they feel about you. And if you want my opinion, you shouldn't even try. In order to maintain your sanity, just let them go. Let them be who they are, and don't let them influence who you are. But what am I preaching for? That wasn't the intent of this post.

What I was meaning to write about was how in the past few days, I have had conversations and meetings with friends that have ranged from one end of the spectrum to the other. I had a perfectly lovely afternoon with a very good friend, wherein my suspicions were confirmed that another person did not consider me a friend at all. (This did not ruin the lovely afternoon - how could it have, when the afternoon included a girl I've known forever, adorable children, gelato, and a butterfly that landed on my knee - but it did, unfortunately, keep me up that night.) I was kept awake that night thinking about someone who I later decided did not deserve any more consideration from me. She wasn't worth it. And then the next day, my worries evaporated during lunch with another good friend, who effortlessly cheered me up with the aforementioned strumpets. It's funny how you can suddenly be crystal clear about who your real friends are.

p.s. I promise the next post from me won't be nearly as serious. I guess I've just been thinking a lot about "stuff" lately, which tends to get me in trouble. :)

p.p.s. Anybody have any good banana bread recipes??

class of '97

I can't believe it's been ten years.

It's funny how things can end up being so different than you think they're going to be. Ten years ago, I was graduating from high school. I was getting ready to go to college and the world was my oyster. I felt like my life was finally starting. I was independent in a way I'd never been before. Though I still depended on my parents for tuition, guidance, and a place to live during holidays, I felt like I was finally able to make my own decisions, which is a big step in a person's life. I envisioned myself graduating from college and taking the world by storm. I was going to make movies, write books, have a family, make a lot of money and live in a big house in California. A house with a pool! Ten years sounded like such a long time - plenty of time to accomplish my goals. I figured that by the time my ten-year high school reunion came around, I'd be exactly where I wanted to be. I'd be able to walk into the room, completely satisfied with the life I was living, and the person I'd become. Not to mention, I'd be thin, stylish, and beautiful, with great hair.

This is the way an 18-year-old thinks about the future. Of course it was all about me. I was invincible. But instead of accomplishing all my goals by the age of 28, what actually happened over those ten years was ... I grew up.

I went through what I imagine every person goes through at that time in their life. Unless, of course, they're lucky enough to have a humongous trust fund, or move in the same circles as the people with power. But even Paris Hilton gets a dose of reality from time to time. :) My reality was that there were extenuating circumstances that were going to prevent me from reaching my goals, no matter how hard I tried to pretend they didn't exist. Contrary to what I believed, I was NOT, in fact, invincible. And I needed a steady paycheck. So instead of becoming the high roller I always thought I'd be, I became ... well ... myself. I have a modest job in the suburbs, with a modest paycheck, and I live in a small, one-bedroom apartment on the North side of Chicago. I'm not married, and I have no kids, but I've always got a friend when I need one.

Making the realization that I was not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life was bittersweet. I could acknowledge the fact that my goals were unrealistic, but I still felt a little sad that I hadn't met them. Everyone likes to feel that they could be the exception to the rule. I felt like an exceptional teenager, so I was completely confident that I'd be an exceptional adult. Instead, I've turned out to be closer to average. At least by all outward appearances. But let me make this point very clear - there is nothing wrong with being average if you're happy where you are. And though I still feel like I am exceptional and have some great things in store for me in this life, I am, for the most part, happy with the way things are right now.

As you may have guessed, the source of these reflections was the announcement of my upcoming high school reunion. I am actually really excited about it, despite the fact that I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be. But I am a little disappointed, too. When I was a senior in high school, my friends and I would speculate about what our reunion would be like - who would be married with kids, who would be rich and successful, who would still be living at home and working in the fast food industry. It was fun for us to try and guess how people would turn out. I assumed, in a very life-imitating-the-movies kind of way, that when the reunion finally did roll around, all my friends and I would gather together once more to see how close our predictions were, to reconnect with people we'd lost touch with, and to bring our high school experience full circle. I saw the reunion as a kind of epilogue to my teenage years. But it is slowly dawning on me that I may have been the only one who felt this way. I don't know how many conversations I have had with old classmates recently that included the phrase "Hell, no!" in reference to the class reunion. And this makes me sad. Many have previous commitments, such as weddings, etc., which is completely understandable, but I am shocked by the number of people who just plain don't want to go. Sure, those years are always awkward, they're maybe not the most fun, and I certainly wouldn't want to go back and relive any of them, but what's the harm in looking back and remembering? Plus, those years are cake compared to what comes after. The "real world" is so much more harsh than the sheltered life of a high school kid. But, as always, maybe that's just my own experience talking. I enjoyed high school - I had nothing to complain about other than "stupid boys" - and I think it would be fun to take a look back and see how much we have all grown since then. Not to sound cheesy or anything, but I like to remember the good times I had in high school, and forget about the bad.

It was sad to realize that not everyone feels the way I do about this upcoming reunion. It was even sadder when the thought occurred to me that the reunion planners were perhaps not trying very hard to find people. I was amazed by how many people hadn't heard about it until I told them. So I am once again making the discovery that the world is not as rosy as I had at one time thought it was. My reunion will not be attended by all of the people who I'd like to reconnect with, simply because I want them to be there. It may not even be attended by a single one of my friends - even the ones I still see on a regular basis. Much like my life over the past 10 years, it is just not going to be how I thought it would be. It couldn't possibly live up to my over-high expectations anyway.

However, that doesn't mean I won't go. And that doesn't mean I won't enjoy myself immensely. I've got to keep the faith that it will still be an event worth attending. I mean, it only happens once. And Hell, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

um, okay ...

So, I just added some new links under "Places You Should Visit," and when I went to view my blog to see the changes, I noticed that the months in my archive are now in Portuguese. Interesting ...

EDIT: Now that I've posted this, they've gone back to English. Blogger is weird.