the good ones

I just got called "little one" by a guy at work! How adorable is that?! This man is one of my favorite people here, and trust me, the good ones are few and far between. He is short, with a bum leg, and he walks with a cane. He's got a perfectly round face, short grey hair and glasses, and he wears suspenders. He is like the grandpa of our room, everyone loves him. He has a tendency to narrate what he's doing while he works, and sometimes says the funniest things, that I find myself laughing silently in my cubicle, having just overheard something ridiculous. 'Cause the thing is, he talks really loud. He used to sit just down the row and around the corner from me, and I could hear him on the phone all the time from there. But now he sits right around the corner, so we share a part of one wall. He stopped by my cube 5 minutes ago and said, "Did you see that, little one? I forgot I moved, and went to my old cubicle!" So sweet.

Another person I have found particularly endearing lately is this guy on a TV show that I'm embarrassed to admit I've been watching. I couldn't care less who wins, but I got sucked in one lazy Saturday, and now I think I've watched every episode. The show? Shear Genius. It's awful, really, but it's the perfect thing to put on the TV while I go about my business on the weekends. It's a competition show following the formula of Project Runway, Top Chef, etc. only this one is about cutting hair. I laughed when I saw the ads, but here I am, watching it. Oh well. Anyway, the guy who would be the equivalent of Tim Gunn on PR, is named Rene something-or-other, and he's a cutie pie. He's gorgeous, for one (though a bit femme), and his typical greeting is "Hi-Hi!" His answer to Gunn's "Make it work," is "Shake it." Only with his accent, it sounds more like "Sheggit." I find it very endearing, and I have no idea why. :)

no appropriate title comes to mind

Feeling better about stuff today. I've been pretty busy the last couple days, so maybe that has something to do with it. I think I get in trouble when I have nothing to do and am left to my own devices ... though sometimes that's my favorite way to be. Go figure.

Monday I had a doctor's appointment, and we're going to continue lowering my Prednisone dose since I've been doing so well with the Enbrel. Yay me! So hopefully I'll be back to my normal-faced self very soon! I should be completely off it in 6-9 weeks, depending on how I do my taper - I've been given a bit of flexibility since I know my body better than any doctor ever could. Plus, I'm putting myself on a diet, and I MIGHT even start EXERCISING!! OMG, what is the world coming to??!! And in a fit of self-improvement energy, I bought some moisturizer with a touch of self-tanner in it so I don't look like a glass of skim milk this summer (complete with slight bluishness). My goal is to look smokin' hot by my 10 year HS reunion, whenever that decides to be. Don't exactly know why I want to look good for those people, but it never hurts to put your best foot forward. And any motivation is better than none at all, right? RIGHT?

After the appointment I took an unplanned trip to Trader Joe's since I was passing by, and I bought a basket full of yummy treats - mostly healthy, too! For some reason, this shopping made me feel incredibly happy. I'd been hankering for some TJ's goodies.

Yesterday I had to work for 10 hours (long story), so afterwards, instead of fighting the nasty rush-hour traffic, I went to IKEA and browsed for a while (bought some new sheets, and a pot for a plant I want to transplant). Got a couple ideas for some things I might buy for the apartment, but I didn't want to make any major purchases until I did a bit of comparison shopping and visualizing things in the actual space. I recently purchased some items online, one of which has been delivered and is sitting happily in its spot in my living room - a shoji screen! This is serving the dual purpose of dividing the space into a living room and dining area, while also hiding the ugly cords and wires behind the desk that my TV/DVD etc. are on. I also ordered a rug for the living room that is being delivered on Friday. I'm TOTALLY excited to see how that will look in the room, and even more excited to get rid of the abomination (hesitate to even call it a rug) that is in there now. So now my goals are thus: 1) find a trunk/chest for my bedroom - I'm having storage issues and need a place for purses, belts and other accessories, but also want something that will be attractive and not look all "storage-y" (read: nothing plastic). I'm currently looking at one online (here's the link - I like the nutmeg. Opinions?), and I saw one at IKEA that costs considerably less, but has a more rugged look that I'm not sure if I like as much. Oh look, here's a link to that one, too! These were also neat (they had a larger size at the store that doesn't seem to be online), but I 'd definitely need two and I'm not sure they're ideal. 2) I need some lamps for the living room. I saw this and this at IKEA, but I swear everyone and their brother owns these lamps, and do I want to be a follower? I think not. The only benefit is I'd be able to get these shades, which match the old rug I don't have anymore and LOVED. 'Course I could get the shades with any lamp, really, couldn't I? 3) I need a microwave cart. I think I've firmly decided on the one at Target, so I just have to go pick one up ... unless something better comes along between now and whenever I get my butt over there to buy it. I guess that's not so firm, is it? 4) I'd also like to get a baker's rack for the kitchen, but I have a dilemma here too. I really like this one, but it's a bit expensive, and the wood won't really match the microwave cart (not that that's incredibly important, but I don't want it to look ridiculous sitting next to something so obviously mismatched). This one is a better price, it matches better, and the style is slowly growing on me, but it's out of stock and who knows when it will be back in. This one - same deal. My other option is the one from Target that will match for sure, but I don't particularly care for, looks-wise. Which is also something that everybody and their brother owns. Hey, I just noticed ALL THREE of the other racks on the Target site! Hmmmm ...

MAN, can I ramble!!

Anyhoo, yeah, I've completely lost the point of this post. Um, I guess I'm just saying that I've been busy. Or something. Tonight I'm going out with some gal pals (I hate that phrase, I can't believe I just used it!!!) for some much-needed socialization, so I'm happy about that. And tomorrow is Thursday and I have Friday off! Woo hoo!!

OH! About the dude with the problem and the cats (he'd still have a problem even without the "cat problem"), I've come to the realization that in addition to his lack of a conscience, he's a person who I'd do best to avoid if I don't want an argument. My professional opinion (if I was in the psychology profession, that is) is that he has some deep-seated need to prove himself, and is therefore very argumentative, challenges and/or disagrees with damn near everything I say, and lives in a fantasy world where anything that he has not personally experienced cannot possibly be true. Case in point: I was sharing some experiences a while back about when I was sick as a kid and spent a lot of time in the hospital. Obviously, this was a harrowing experience for me, as it would be for anyone, and I was talking about the different emotions I went through during this time. At every turn, his response was, "Why did you fee like that? I'd think you'd feel more this way. I wouldn't have let that get to me. Why did that bother you? I would have been more like this." Well, excuse me, but until you've been a 12-year-old girl who has an unnamed disease giving her pain and swelling in her neck and weighs 76 pounds because she is unable to eat due to the nausea, and has no idea what's causing it or whether or not it's going to kill her, you have no right to tell me how I should and should not feel. But that's just one of my issues with this guy. I'd just rather I never had to see him again.

Okay, that's enough. I think I should do some work now, no?

disgusting, despicable behavior (not mine)

First off, let me apologize for my post yesterday. I was being a nattering nabob of negativity, as my dad would say, and though I cannot change the fact that I occasionally have such feelings, I don't really need to subject others to them. I have not deleted the post yet, though. I haven't decided if I will. A part of me wants to delete it to make it easier to pretend that my life is all sunshine and rainbows (Did I forget to tell you about the butterfly who landed on my head last week?). But another part of me wants to keep it up as a reminder of what will happen when I let my passing insecurities get the better of me. We'll see which part of me is the stronger part.

Now let me get to the topic of this post. I have an acquaintance who I am about ready to beat over the head with a sledgehammer (figuratively speaking, of course). He has a litter of kittens living under his deck. If you're on my e-mail list, you may have received an e-mail from me yesterday about adopting said kittens. If anyone out there in the void would like to adopt a kitten, I implore you to do so, because if you don't, these kittens are likely to die under this guy's deck. All because of his deplorable laziness, ignorance, indifference and apathy. That's a lot of nouns.

If I was in the position that the guy is in, I would do everything in my power to make sure that these cats are taken care of. Here are the things he's done: 1) he called Animal Control and some shelters in the area and nobody will come to pick them up - he'd have to deliver them himself, so 2) he attempted ONCE to gather them up into a carrier, but failed, so he gave up. His solution? Tell his neighbors to stop feeding them, and close his blinds so he doesn't have to look at them anymore. In essence, he feels that if he doesn't see it, the problem doesn't exist. I came up with many other suggestions, like canvassing the neighborhood to see if anyone wanted to adopt a kitten, or posting a picture on a website saying "free to a good home" or something along those lines. Apparently all of those ideas are too much work. TOO MUCH WORK MY ASS. I asked him point blank if he'd rather have these cats die under his deck than to take a few minutes out of his day to try and find homes for them. He told me, "I wouldn't let that bother me." Are you freaking kidding me? He just admitted to not having a conscience.

Admittedly, I am a sentimental person. I like dogs and cats because they're cute. I feel bad when I see dead animals on the side of the road. The couple of times that I've hit things with my car I've actually had to pull over because I was crying. When we put my dog to sleep, I literally cried all day to the point of exhaustion, and a good portion of the following week. Animals in need make me sad. I understand that these cats may not die just because he isn't finding homes for them. Perhaps their mother will be able to take care of them and teach them to find food themselves. I also understand that strays and their litters often fall by the wayside if they aren't fortunate enough to be noticed by a caring human. So my point is that if this situation had befallen me, if I was the person who had the opportunity to do something good for a litter of kittens so they would not have to endure the harshness of the outside world, I WOULD DO EVERYTHING I COULD. I am not above knocking on peoples' doors. I am not above putting up signs in my neighborhood that say "Free kittens to anyone who can catch them!" I am not above sending out mass e-mails to my friends asking if they wouldn't like a little furry friend in their home. And it infuriates me that there are people out there who feel they are.

festering pit of negativity

That's me.

I feel irritated by everyone around me. I feel slighted and unwanted by the people I try to reach out to. I feel like no one is listening to me. But most of the time I don't even have anything to say.

Work is fine but I don't have any friends here anymore. People seem to tolerate my presence, rather than enjoy it. The apartment is beginning to shape up, but being in that place means that I'm alone. I enjoy being alone when my time is peppered with other social activities, but not when there is no end in sight. It's not a good thing to sleep for four hours in the middle of the day for no reason other than I have nothing else to do. And the social interactions I have had as of late have felt forced and unnatural.

It's not that I'm lacking things to look forward to. Summer is about to begin and soon the city will be chock full of activity. But somehow it isn't bring me any joy like it's supposed to - like it has every summer before. I just can't seem to connect.

Gonna post this now, but most likely it will be deleted in a day or two after I start to feel embarrassed for sharing so much.

acronym psychic

Ever wonder how it is you come to know the things you know? I was just reading a blog of a girl who lives in London (sort of Bridget Jones-esque) and she mentioned an M&S. I thought to myself, "Oh, that's Marks & Spencer." Immediately afterwards I thought to myself, "How the hell did I know THAT?" I have never once set foot inside a Marks & Spencer. I don't even think I know what they sell. So I have no clue how I came to know this particular piece of information. Perhaps it's mentioned in the Bridget Jones books? Or perhaps my anglophile friend Greenfish has mentioned it?

So somehow I manage to remember the name of an obscure store I've never been to, but can't seem to remember to eat dinner. Sometimes I surprise even myself.

a show of hands

There's something about hands, and I can't quite put my finger on it (hee hee).

I've always had this thing about hands. My own hands are my favorite part of my body. People laugh when I say that, but it's the truth. I like them because they're very feminine and graceful, and despite all of the changes my body has gone through in my lifetime, my hands have stayed exactly the same. When I can't stand the direction my appearance is going in, I can take comfort in the fact that my hands will always look like me.

I've also always had a thing about other peoples' hands. I think hands can reveal a lot about a person. Consequently, if I meet a guy that I am attracted to, but he has ugly hands, I have to take a minute to reconsider my attraction. Tiny hands, clammy hands, short, pudgy fingers, and nail-biters need not apply. These kinds of things are very important. Earlier today I was introduced to a fellow who was quite attractive. However, when I shook his hand, I wasn't sure if I'd grabbed a hand or a raw chicken breast. It wasn't pretty.

I'm not sure about the science behind it, but hands can be very sensual. Maybe it's nerve endings? All I know is that the center of the palm, the inner wrist, and the very tips of the fingers can provide quite a sensual and stimulating experience. Touching hands with someone special, running your fingers across their palm, tickling their wrist, linking fingers and squeezing tight ... playing handsies can be so much more intimate than straight-up makin' out could ever be.

But that's just one girl's opinion.

fun and games

If you've noticed at the bottom of my blog, I have a hit counter. Occasionally, I'll go onto the site to see how many people visit my blog (it's a very sad number), and it shows some other stats as well, though the majority of the features don't work properly. Like it counts every hit as a "first time visitor" even when it's just me, over and over again. But one of the things I can see is the website that referred the visitor to mine. I get quite a few "direct hits," but I also get many people who come here from Censorial Nerd Jury (or the same person, regularly), and many from Greenfish's blog (again, probably just one person). But occasionally, I'll get a hit from someone who happened upon my blog through a google search. I have the option to click the link to see what it was that this person was searching for that led them to me, and that is always an adventure. Today I learned that if you google "nudiustertian in sentences" (without the quotes, that is), you'll find me! But what I've begun to do is to look through the other sites that come up in these searches and see if I can't find some gems of my own. So essentially, I am using other peoples' interests, which somehow have something in common with my blog, to find other blogs/websites that I might myself be interested in. Oh, Internet, how I adore thee.

sour apple laffy taffy joke

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A: Beef Jerky!!

maybe exercise? no, definitely not.

I should have stayed in bed today. I woke up to the sound of birds chirping ... wait, that sounds too pleasant, let me rephrase ... I woke up to the sound of birds screaming at me. My bedroom faces the courtyard, so I think their squawking gets amplified by a thousand in there. Plus, I swear I heard at LEAST three other peoples' alarm clocks going off before mine did. I don't know if a lot of people sleep with their windows open, or if the walls are just incredibly thin, but whatever it was, it was a little annoying. I seriously considered calling in "sick" but unfortunately, my conscience got the better of me and I bit the bullet and came in to work. I'm already regretting it because the morning is draaaaaagging. At least I have some shopping to look forward to this evening. However, it will be a bittersweet shopping trip because of the particular item I will be searching for ... fat pants! Woo hoo!! I've gained weight and my clothes don't fit!! I'm supposed to be losing weight because I'm getting off one of my medications (Did I mention that? It's good news.), but alas, it has not been happening. Last week I weighed myself and was delighted to see that I weighed more than I have ever weighed in my life. Lovely. But since then I've lost about 8 of those pounds, which must have been water weight because I don't know how someone can lose 8 pounds so quickly by only slightly changing their eating habits. My body is weird, what can I say. I'm hoping that this is just a temporary setback and that I'll be able to lose the weight pretty easily once I'm off the meds for good and can get back to a normal eating routine, but of course I fear the worst. The worst being that my metabolism is going through that change that happens to every woman at some point around (or before) age 30. It's a scary thought. But hey, even if that's the case, I can still lose the weight, it'll just be a little harder. Anyhoo, maybe I should just focus on the fact that I've never needed fat pants up until this point in my life, and that definitely has to be a good thing.