stop me if you've heard this one ...

The other day I was perusing the 'net and came across this blog entry about jokes and kids and kids' jokes. The writer was asking the Internet Audience to help her expand her arsenal of good jokes to tell her kids. As I read the responses in my cubicle at work, I laughed out loud, many times, so I thought I'd share some of the funnier ones ...

Interrupting Jokes:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrup ...
Moo!!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting starfish.
Interrup ...
(Joker puts starfish-like hand over victim's face.)

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Automatic interrupting owl.

(hee hee)

Pirate Jokes:

Have you seen the new pirate movie?
It's rated ARRRR!

What's a pirate's favorite food?
ARRR-dee-chokes!

What's a pirate's favorite holiday?
ARRRR-bor Day!

Jokes involving things that are brown:

What's round and brown and lives in the forest?
Winnie the Poop.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
(one of my favorites)

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat your poo??

Jokes involving things that are green:

What's green and goes "slam, slam, slam, slam?"
A four-door pickle.

What's green and has 18 wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

More Knock Knock Jokes:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Control freak. Now you say "Control freak who?"
(love that one)

This next one is not funny at all, but apparently the submitter's daughter tried to retell right it afterwards and her version is much funnier.

Original:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Is a bell necessary on a bike?
(See? Not funny.)

Botched version:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
... um, necessary on a bike.
What happened to Isabelle?
She fell off.
(Genius.)

Random Funnies:

What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts.

Why aren't clowns cannibals?
They taste funny.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam!

Did you hear about the guy who was in a really bad accident and lost the whole left side of his body?
He's all right now.

Nurse: Doctor, there's an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now.

Where did the general keep his armies?
Up his sleevies.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Whoo, it's hot in here!" The second muffin says, "AAAGH!! A talking muffin!!"

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Good food, no atmosphere.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?

Two blonds are standing on either side of a river. One blond says to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The blond answers, "You ARE on the other side!"

Slightly Inappropriate:

What do you tell a woman with a black eye?
Nothing. You already told her once.
(wince)

Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the sh#t out of their dogs.

WTF?:

What's yellow and highly dangerous?
Shark-infested banana pudding!

Ask me if I'm a doctor.
Are you a doctor?
No.