a selfish post, so bear with me

Geez, I've been thinking a lot lately. About all sorts of things, as you may have noticed from recent posts. I just had a thought just now that relates to a thought I had last night. The thought I was having last night was that I find myself nearly impossible to categorize. I have some thoughts and opinions that may tend to put me in one "group" but those opinions are constantly fluctuating, and are always subject to change. I can recall times when I've said the complete opposite thing about myself than I've said before. (Does that make sense?) For example, in different conversations with different people at different times, I've said that I do not want to get married, that I'd like to get married but I realistically don't see it ever happening, that I always have hope and believe that I will some day get married, that I want to have kids, that I don't want to have kids and would rather adopt. Sometimes I don't even know what's true. Do I say things to be agreeable in some cases, and just to be contrary in others? Or are my moods so erratic that I really do change my mind that often? How do I know what's really true about myself? Even things as simple as my wardrobe are unfocused and wishy-washy. I've got clothes ranging from a lacy white bolero, to a brown hippie dress, to pants with chains hanging from them. Though maybe this is good because, given the right outfit and attitude, I can fit in anywhere.

The thought I was having this morning somewhat contradicted the one from last night. One thing I am sure of about myself is that I've never been one to choose any one person and call that person my best friend, which is why you'll hear me refer to some people as "one of my best friends." Ever since I was very small, I've said that I don't have a best friend, I have several very good friends. I always have said that I never wanted to have just one best friend because I didn't want those friends who were not labeled my "best" friend to feel hurt. Though this morning, I came to a different conclusion, and I'm actually surprised I'd never thought of it before. Maybe the reason I've never had a singular best friend is that I am afraid that I won't be that person's best friend in return - and that I will actually be the one to get hurt. I'm not exactly sure what's been triggering this bout of introspect, but I kinda wish it would go away.

Things I know for sure about myself:
I never call anyone "my best friend"
I'd rather fix something than buy a new one
I procrastinate
I'm not tidy
I like doing crafts and admiring my handiwork
I love baking, but hate cooking
I sometimes have to force myself to be sociable when all I want is to be alone
My default facial expression is a frown
I'm vain about my hands
I can sit around doing nothing better than anyone I know
I like dogs ... and cats ... but not birds ... unless they're wild birds ...