maybe tomorrow I'll be happy

It's only 9 a.m. and I'm already having "one of those days." You know, one of those days when you're just tired of life. I'm tired of caring and feeling and being affected by the world around me. Today I wish I could turn off my brain and my emotions and just be a robot and go through my life doing what needs to be done and that's it. I'm tired of pain, physical and emotional, I'm tired of disappointment, of dissatisfaction, of caring about others who won't care about me, and of feeling like I'm trudging through mud just to make it to the end of the day. I'm afraid I'm going to break down one of these days and my body will completely fall apart and disintigrate. Best case scenario, it will make me numb to the world and I won't have to care anymore. I try to focus on the Self to relax and make the world go away, but it's harder that you'd think it would be to separate the Self from the people and the situations that surround it. Who are we without others? We are what we think, but aren't many of those thoughts put there by others? We are what we like, but aren't those things created by others? We are what we do, but aren't we doing those things for others?

I feel overwhelmed by thoughts and controlled by emotions and it makes me very tired. I need to shut down. Reboot. I need a long sleep. And I'll wake up when my brain is clear and my spirit enlightened.