non sequitur

I'm feeling down today. The finality of certain situations is really resonating with me today, and my emotions are in full swing. I am feeling loss - the effect of missed opportunities coupled with helplessness to change the past, or to change people. For a few years now I've wondered how this would all turn out. Would this strong emotion I've tried to bury for so long finally be proven right, or would it be just another wrong? Would I get my happy ending? In a few short weeks, it will all be over. Decisions and plans are being made at this very moment. And it seems that that happy ending will not be coming my way. Today I am feeling a strong desire to make a choice. Choice No. 1 would be to accept the way things have turned out, to grow up and learn the lesson that I'm sure is in there somewhere. Choice No. 2 would be to fight - hard - for what I have wanted for so long and believe I deserve. Happiness. But it won't work. I am not strong enough. And my heart is breaking.

(Apologies for the vagueness, friends. This is me throwing thoughts into the ether.)